Doctor's Disorders/Transcript

	The episode opens at Casper High School. A teacher is looking at something in slight awe.
Mr. Falluca	Fascinating. Possibly some of the most interesting mandibular formations I've ever seen. [Zoom out to show him looking at a giant ghost bug] I hope I don't end up seeing it from the inside!
	Danny appears behind the bug and phases into the ground right underneath. He then tackles the bug through the ceiling.
Danny	Anybody up for a Game of Slug Bug?
	Danny takes the bug outside and throws it onto the ground. The bug stands up and tries shooting Danny with eye lasers, but Danny dodges. Danny then dodges the bug charging right at him and attempts to blast it, but it quickly turns around and blasts ectoplasmic goo from its nose. Danny gets hit and is caught in a tree that Paulina is walking by. She gasps upon seeing him.
Danny	Paulina! [Paulina smiles] You should run. [She holds her arms out and starts running towards him] No, not toward me. Away! Run!
	Danny blasts the bug behind her. Paulina runs away. He breaks free from the goo and starts to fly away, with the bug chasing him. He stops when he reaches a telephone wire.
Danny	Bug... [Flies up last second so the bug hits the wires and gets electrocuted] ...Zapper. [The bug explodes into hundreds of tiny ghost bugs, who all fly into the school] Well, one down, a billion to go.
	Scene cuts to theme song. Scene opens to Casper High, hall ways where Tucker is spraying himself with cologne.
Danny	Fwe, what is that smell? [puts hand over nose]
Tucker	This, [shows Danny the can] its my new all over body spray. I made it myself, I call it "Foley by Tucker Foley." [Starts spraying himself again] It combined with your natural odor to create a sweet manly scent. That smells different to everyone who sniffs it.
Danny	Tuck, you smell like a sweaty cookie.
Tucker	By choice. The ladies will be swarming all over me.
	The ghost bugs fly throughout the hall. Danny's ghost sense goes off. Paulina is walking through a crowd of boys.
Many students	Paulina! Hey Paulina. Paulina. Hey. Paulina.
Paulina	So many boys, but only one you. [opens locker, locker is full of pictures of Danny Phantom. One of the ghost bugs lands on her and phases into her hand] Ow! Hey, you blemished my flawless skin! [closes locker and walks away]
Tucker	[Tucker, Sam and Danny are walking down the hall past the nurse's office. Tucker stops a few feet away from the nurse's office] Uhhh.
Danny	Tucker? [waves hand in front of Tucker's face] Hello. Whats wrong with him?
Sam	This happens every time he gets near the nurses office.
Tucker	Nu..nu..nu..nu..nurse? [Tucker is freaking out]
Sam	This is a bad one. In a case like this it's best not to let him see. [Puts paper bag on Tucker's head, Tucker grabs Sam's shoulders and follows her] Come on Tuck find a happy place.
Tucker	Right, I'm not passing a nurse's office, I'm passing a... modeling agency. [walk past nurse's office. Tucker takes bag off his head.] Thanks Sam.
Danny	You're afraid of the nurse's office?
Tucker	Yes! Nurse's offices, doctor's offices, hospitals! Any place with sharp pointy sticky things, and the smell of sick people.
Sam	[smells air] Speaking of sick smells, what is that? Gym socks and snickerdoodles?
Danny & Tucker	"Foley, by Tucker Foley."
Danny	It's Tucker's cologne [Ghost sense goes off, and we see Paulina with a green ghostly glow] Uh, is Paulina glowing?
Sam	Uh, I know she's supposed to have flawless skin, but this is ridiculous.
Paulina	Auh, I feel terrible. I'm disfigured. [looks at hand] Stupid bug bite!
Danny	Bug bite? [a ghost bug flies by Danny's face and bites Jazz as she is walking through the halls]
Jazz	Yaa! [drops books she is carrying and hits her neck]
Kwan & Star	Hahahaha! [Kwan gets bitten in neck]
Kwan	Ow! [hits neck]
Star	[gets bite in butt] Ow! [hits butt]
Student 1	[bugs surround his head] Ow! Ow! Ow!
Student 2	[single bug bites her neck] Ow! [hits neck]
Many students	[Many students run, they are being swarmed by ghost bugs] Aaah!
Danny	Cover me guys. I'm going ghost! [runs to an open room. Sam and Tucker guard door. We see a flash of light. (Danny's ghost rings) Danny goes intangible and goes through the door and floor. He goes to the basement and catches a swarm in the Fenton Thermos.]
Student 3	[being swarmed by ghost bugs] Ouh ouh ouh ouh [Danny phases through wall and sucks the swarm into Fenton Thermos.] Phew.
	Danny goes through the hall catching more ghost bugs. He then sticks his head out of the floor and catches another swarm. He reappear by the door, and reverts to human form.]
Danny	Well, that's all of them [a ghost bug flies by and bites Sam's arm]
Sam	Ow! [hits arm]
Danny	Except one.
Dash	[being chased by ghost bugs] Ahhhh!
Danny	Or more. [Dash phases through bathroom door when bugs the phase inside him. Danny opens bathroom door.] Hey, Dash, uh not that I care, but are you okay? [Danny walks up to stall Dash is in]
Dash	I don't feel so good.
Danny	Yeah, this always happens on goulash day. [Dash shoots two ecto-plasmic beams at Danny] Although I've never seen goulash do that. [Dash breaks stall door open and comes out a ghost monster]
Dash	GET AWAY! [Grabs Danny and throws him into a different stall. Danny goes ghost and flies through the ceiling and hits Dash in the back, pushing him against the wall. Danny picks and is about to hit him]
Danny	I wish I could say I didn't want to do this, but... [Dash reverts back to human form and collapses on Danny's shoulder] Ugh, and just one cheap shot away from a semester full of payback.
	Screen break comes back in with the the sick students in quarantine.
Maddie	Why can't we see our children, Mr. Falluca? This is outrageous! They're sick! They need us!
Mr. Falluca	Yeah, well, I understand your concern folks, but I have been instructed not to disseminate any information at this time.
Maddie	But you're a teacher. It's your job to disseminate information!
Jack	[crying] Poor Jazz. She's always been my favorite. [blows nose, then hands handkerchief to Danny] Here you go Danny, don't lose this. It was your grandfather's. [Danny takes it]
Danny	Yech!
Tucker	Hey Danny, check this out. [Danny walks over to Tucker]
Danny	What's up?
Tucker	[opens hand to show a ghost bug] I got another one.
Danny	Tucker, get rid of that thing!
Tucker	No no, look it won't bite me or phase through my skin or anything.
Danny	That's weird, I figured my ghost powers were protecting me. What's protecting you? [bug flies off]
Danny & Tucker	"Foley by Tucker Foley."
Danny	Wow. Its not just repelling, it's a repellent. [the door where the sick students are held opens and a doctor walks out]
Dr. Bert Rand	Hello people. I'm Dr. Bert Rand.
Maddie	Are you from the government's disease control center?
Dr. Bert Rand	Yes, lets go with that. I can assure you that your children are in good hands, and will be transferred to the creepy, abandoned hospital on the edge of town.
Maddie	Under quarantine?
Dr. Bert Rand	Yes, let's go with that, too.
Jack	Oh, yeah? And just why should we trust you?
Dr. Bert Rand	Because I'm with the government and can audit your taxes if you don't.
Jack	We trust you.
Danny	Well, I don't trust him. Sam and Jazz are in that hospital, and we've got to find out what's going on.
Tucker	Have a good time. [goes to walks away]
Danny	Tucker, I said we.
Tucker	You also said hospital.
Danny	Phe, I go invisible, I go ghost, I'll be in and out in no time. Just watch.
	Scene closes. Scene opens at North Mercy Hospital, some letters fall off the sign so it says No Mercy Hospital. Danny is flying to the hospital, but runs into a ghost shield.
Danny	Aaa!
Tucker	Well, let's just come back during visiting hours, or perhaps, not at all.
Danny	We can't do that Tucker. The fact the hospital has a ghost shield around it makes it even more suspicious. If I can't get in as a ghost [reverts to human form] I'll have to get in like a kid. Okay, just hang out here and wait for me. You got my mom's Fenton utility weapon just in case?
Tucker	[pulls out lipstick] It's a lipstick and an ecto blaster. Because I'm worth it.
Danny	Okay then. [jumps in Tucker's arms] Let's make this good. [closes eyes and Tucker walks him to hospital entrance
Ghost Guard	This area's restricted, no admittance.
Tucker	But my friend is sick, he needs to be in the hospital. Him, not me.
Dr. Bert Rand	[door opens behind guards] It's alright guards, stand down. Has this young man been exhibiting any ghost like symptoms? [Danny turns invisible, Tucker hands Danny to the doctor] Oh no! You poor sick human child, it's worse than I thought. [gives thumbs up to some one in the window]
Tucker	(to guards) So, what's the skizzle, fizzles? [Danny is being wheeled down a hall. He opens his eyes a little to see that his classmates have ghost powers. He goes by Dash's room where he is watching TV and shoots an ecto beam out of his eyes, blowing up the TV]
Dash	Darn, right at the part where he says "You complete me." [a student runs in front of Danny]
Dr. Bert Rand	Now now son, must try to control those powers. [leaves Danny in the hall and runs off. Danny gets up and looks around.]
Kwan	Fenton, you're in here too? [another Kwan appears next to him] 4 [2 more Kwans appear] 6 [2 more Kwans appear] 8 [2 more appear] who do we appreciate? Us, us, aaaah, run, run for our lives! [They all run away]
Danny	Are you kidding? I've been trying to do that trick for months! That is so wrong!
Jazz	Hello, nurse? I'm feeling a little light-headed. [Danny walks to Jazz and we see that she is just a head] Literally!
Danny	Jazz?
Sam	Aaahh!
Danny	I'm going [turns Jazz's head around] ghost! [goes ghost and flies through the rooms into Paulina's] Somebody need some help? PAULINA! Uh, it is Paulina, right?
Paulina	You came for me! [Sam pulls over the curtain separating her from Paulina]
Sam	He didn't come for you, he came for me.
Danny	Uh, hi Miss. Can you excuse me for one minute? [flies to Sam, and puts curtain back] Sam, are you alright? I heard a scream.
Sam	Yeah, that was me. You'd scream too if you were stuck in a sleepover with her. [points to Paulina's half of the room]
Danny	Actually, I kinda doubt that.
Paulina	Yoo hoo, ghost boy. [Sam starts floating] Are you done talking to the unpopular girl yet?
Danny	[gets Sam and puts her on the ground] Uh, be right there. [Danny flies back to Paulina and Sam floats to the ceiling]
Paulina	[Paulina's ghost sense goes off] Ooh, what is this?
Danny	It's called a ghost sense. [Danny's ghost sense goes off] See, it lets you know a ghost is near.
Paulina	Like you.
Danny	That bug bite gave you ghost powers. Didn't anybody explain anything to you?
Paulina	No, they just brought me in here, took a few tests, and stuck me in the same room as Suzie-Nobody over there. [points to Sam]
Sam	For the record, I can hear everything you're saying.
Danny	Hold that thought. [gets Sam and puts her in bed]
Sam	As much as I hate to say it, she's right about one thing: I don't know what they're doing at this hospital, [Danny is tying Sam's blankets over her so she can't float away] nobody's talking to us, nobody's helping us. [Dr. Bert Rand comes in the room with a tank of sleeping gas. He starts letting the gas out]
Dr. Bert Rand	Oh, poor little teen, you're tired aren't you? [Paulina falls asleep, Dr. Bert Rand moves towards Sam's side of the room.
Sam	So... sleepy [falls asleep]
Danny	Sam? Paulina? Getting tired. Gas is affecting me? [Dr. Bert Rand pulls the curtain back]
Dr. Bert Rand	Of course child, that's the point. [Danny turns around] You didn't think this was an actual hospital, did you? [Turns in to Bertrand]
Danny	Your Penelope Spectra's assistant, Bertrand. [he face palms as he realizes the one detail he missed] Bert Rand, Bertrand. How did I miss that? [Falls to ground]
Bertrand	Why don't you mull that over during your last 2 seconds of consciousness?
Danny	Tucker's right, hospitals stink. [falls asleep]
	Scene close scene opens with Danny, in human form, on a stretcher.
Danny	Uh ah, where am I? [looks around then struggles to try and free himself]
Bertrand	Save it kid! Those restraints are ghost proof, you're in for the duration.
Danny	Somebody tell me what's happening here! [bright lights are turned on Danny looks up to see Spectra in her shadowy form.]
Spectra	Allow me, you know how we therapists love to talk it all out.
Danny	Spectra?
	Scene changes to outside the hospital where Tucker is waiting behind a bush.
Tucker	Spooky hospital, ghosts guarding the joint, still, no sign that Danny's in any real danger yet.
Danny	LET ME GO!
Tucker	Still, technically not a cry for help.
Danny	HEEEEEEEELP!
Tucker	Well, not a cry for me.
Danny	TUCKEEEEEEER!
Tucker	Aw, dang. [goes up to guards, sprays cologne, the guards start coughing] Oh please, you guys are ghosts. Do you have any idea what you smell like? Shoots guards with ecto beam from lipstick] Don't worry Danny, the cavalries coming! Whether he wants to or not. [sneaks into hospital]
Sam	Tucker is that you?
Tucker	Sam is that you? Where are you?
Sam	Up here. [Tucker looks up]
Tucker	Sam? Ha, and you call me an air head.
Sam	You know you should really stop and consider all the vile things I could do to you from up here.
Tucker	(steps off to the side) I think Danny's really in trouble, have you seen him?
Sam	A while ago, but I fell asleep and when I woke up he was gone. There's something evil happening here.
Tucker	It's a hospital Sam. There's always something evil happening here. We have to find Danny.
Sam	Unfortunately, I think "we" means "you." I'm pretty useless and there are cameras and guards everywhere.
Tucker	Not in there. [points to a vent] Push that vent open. [Sam pulls vent out. Tucker grabs IV bag and throws them around Sam's feet and ties her to the IV holder. Tucker grabs chair and puts it in front of vent.] If I'm not back in 5 minutes, just... float there, okay? [Sam rolls her eyes]
	Scene changes to Danny on the stretcher.
Danny	What do you want?
Spectra	What everybody wants Danny. And for me, that means being beautiful! [Pushes Danny near a cabinet] Which is why I'm assembling this. [Opens cabinet to show Danny her new body] A brand new me, fashioned by only the best teen genetics.
Danny	So, the ghost bugs, the virus?
Spectra	All part of my plan, I need to get the children away from the adults all in one place. [hit button that opens the DNA extracting machine] So, I could siphon away the best qualities of each of them, Jazz's brains, Dash's muscles, Paulina's nearly flawless skin...
Danny	Nearly flawless?
Spectra	She has a mole. Isn't it obvious? [Danny blinks in disbelief] I had to treat them all with my little ghost virus to get them all in one place.
Danny	And the ghost powers?
Spectra	A side effect. At some point the powers will be too much and they'll all burn out, into little withered husks. Won't that make a great class photo? [Starts pushing Danny to the DNA extacting machine]
	Scene goes to Tucker crawling through the air vents with his eyes closed.
Tucker	Okay, I'm not in a spooky air vent in a hospital. I'm in an air vent in a totally not spooky modeling agency.
	Scene goes back to Danny
Danny	You'll never get away with this, Spectra.
Spectra	Ooh, but I already have and, you Danny, you're the grand prize, I need your genes to lock this perfect body together and stabilize it so my ghost form never burns out and never grows old. How helpful are you? [put Danny into DNA extracting machine.]
Danny	[A vacuum-like hose comes out] If she's so hot on getting Fenton DNA, maybe I can provide a substitute! [reaches for tissue Jack gave to him, then pushes it towards the hose, as it travels into the cabinet with Spectra's body, as it steams.]
Spectra	Excellent.
Danny	Excellent! [Spectra pulls him out] I mean, you fiend! [Spectra gets in her new body and leaves, laughing maniacally.]
Tucker	[breaks in through the vent] Hello models! I mean, Danny you're ok!
Danny	Tucker! you broke into the hospital! Wait, you broke into a hospital?
Tucker	Please stop saying hospital, because I will run and leave you here to perish. [shoots lipstick at restraints. Danny goes ghost] Plasma Peach, its great for kissing, this place goodbye! [Danny grabs Tucker and goes intangible]
	Scene changes to Dash and Bertrand on a couch watching TV.
Dash	Ahh man, when she sings "Wind Beneath My Wing," I just go to pieces.
Danny	What's up, Doc?
Bertrand	You! [Danny shoots ecto beam at him, Bertrand turns into a monster. Dash runs away Bertrand creates a giant scalpel.]
Tucker	Don't move! I mean it, this thing both moisturizes and repairs damage from the wind and sun. [Bertrand knocks the lipstick out of his hands and it roll across the floor towards Paulina, Paulina tries to put it on]
Danny	Paulina, I mean whatever your name is, no! [flies to Paulina and pushes her down before the ecto beam shot out]
Danny & Paulina	Hi [Danny gets hit in the head by Sam's boot]
Sam	Oops, sorry. [Bertrand grab Tucker and is holding him to the ground]
Bertrand	This is going to hurt you a lot more than it hurts you [turns his scalpel into a injection]
Tucker	How about neither of us get hurt, why isn't that an option? [Danny hit Bertrand, Bertrand when back to normal ghost form]
Danny	Dude, your bed side manners stink. I think its time we sent you back to nursing school [catches Bertrand in Fenton thermos.]
Spectra	Very Impressive Danny, but a bit late I'm afraid.
Tucker	I am in a modeling agency
Spectra	It's nice, right, smart, beautiful, deadly. [Creates a giant ecto plasmic hand and grabs Danny, Tucker grabs the lipstick and shoots at her. Danny hits her and she hit the table that Jazz's head is in]
Jazz	I can't feel my toes.
Spectra	Let's see if you can feel this. [throws Jazz's head]
Danny	No!
Kwan	[catches Jazz] I got it! Go long other Kwans.[Danny runs through the Kwans but Kwan throws it before he gets there. The Kwans did catch it but Tucker did.]
Tucker	I got her. It whatever.
Jazz	Your fly is open. [Danny goes after Spectra. She uses the ghost stinger on Danny. then steps on his chest]
Spectra	Aah there we go your DNA is finally kicking in. Which mean I should be all powerful in 3, 2, 1. [when Jack's DNA kicks in she becomes fat] What? What happened? Why do I suddenly feel like blathering on about ghosts? And why do I feel like eating fudge? Lots and Lots of fudge.
Danny	You wanted Fenton DNA. Unfortunately, you got it, courtesy of my dad's nose. [Spectra turns into snot; she squeals in distress] There's a "you blew it" pun here somewhere, but I'd rather not. [Spectra jumps on top of Danny]
Spectra	You're doomed kid, and you know what, so are your friends. Now that those bugs have dug into them, there's nothing that can get them out.
Tucker	Thats what she thinks.
Danny	Will you please [yelling] get off me?! [he punches her nose and his hand goes in and is covered in snot] You know, if my life wasn't at stake, I would hurl right now. [he kicks Spectra and she stick to the ceiling]
Spectra	Okay, that's it. Let's boogie!
Danny	See, that's the kind of pun I was avoiding with the whole "blew it" comment.
Tucker	[Crawling through air vents to find the AC] Who ever said odor isn't everything never met Tucker Foley, here it goes. [Spectra hit Danny and Tucker turned the AC up]
Spectra	Any last words?
Danny	Uh yaa do you smell gym shorts and ginger snaps.
Spectra	Actually I smell tennis shoes and fudge nutters. Uh, What is that ghastly odor? [the ghost bug start leaving the students.] What? How is this possible? [Danny hits Spectra and she spatters all over the walls, he then catches the bugs and her in the Fenton thermos. Danny reverts to human form]
Danny	Way to come threw in the clutch, Tuck.
Tucker	Yaa, How do you like that? My first trip to the hospital and I'm the only one who didn't get hurt. [Sam falls on top of Tucker] Ow.
Sam	Can I get my boot back now?
	Scene changes to Tucker in a hospital bed.
Jack	Tucker just wanted to thank you for helping to get our Jazz out of that awful hospital, although I have to agree with the authorities that ghost plot thing seem pretty far fetched, huh baby.
Maddie	Yaa everybody know humans can't have ghost powers. [she and Jack leave] Bye Danny.
Sam	I'm so sorry about your leg.
Tucker	I told you hospitals reek.
Danny	Oh come on Tuck, we beat Spectra, and you should be fine in 8-10 weeks, it could be worse.
Nurse	[wheels in elderly man] Here's your new roommate Mister Foley.
Carl	Hey there, my name’s Carl. No need to put me in bed sweetie, just wheel me up to the whippersnapper so I can spent the next 2 weeks jabbering on about what it was like when I was his age.
Danny	And know it’s worse.
Sam	Wow, look at the time. [leaves with Danny]
Tucker	What? Wait.
Carl	You see that television, we didn't have televisions, we had radios [Danny and Sam wave good bye]
Tucker	Oh, come on.
Carl	And that clicker, we didn't have clickers, we had to use a device called a knob. Have you tried to climb out the window, we didn't window in my days.
Tucker	Guys!
Danny	Still technically not a cry for help.
Tucker	Help!
	End credits